Someone Snatched Super Suburban

I am not a morning person.  It takes me a good hour to feel “awake”.  And as you can imagine, a good deal of strong coffee with heavy half and half.

Yesterday morning I was sipping coffee and looking out my kitchen window and something just seemed off.  But I wasn’t awake enough to think it over any.

As I shuffled into the kitchen to top off my coffee a little more, I suddenly realized what was missing.

“Boys!” I burst out, “Where is the super suburban?”

Two boys were instantly by my side.  “Wait, what?’

“We didn’t drive anywhere last night, did we?” I asked, staring out the window as if to will my suburban to appear.   I was wracking my brain.  I KNOW my beloved suburban was parked RIGHT THERE when I went to bed.

“Is your dad’s minivan here?” I asked, thinking Jake may have had an issue and taken my suburban instead.

Yes, Jake drives a mini van.  A golden mini van he affectionally calls the Olds.  He didn’t expect to love the minivan but he really is digging it.

The minivan was gone, as was the suburban.

I couldn’t even imagine the police report I was about to make.  “Yes, my very beloved super suburban has been taken.  It’s a 1999.  It’s covered in bumper stickers, there is a lot of rust that I call glitter so it doesn’t hurt the suburban’s feelings, it has a ton of Aldi bags in the back, and and and….no one would want it but me.  Who would take my super suburban?”

I knew this was my fault because I know that I had left the keys in it because I had thought I had to take one more trip for one more kid one more time last night.

It would have been taken between 4:30 to 6:30 in the morning…the time between Jake leaving and my waking.

My dear poor Super Suburban.  It had to be lost and confused.

I looked out every window, and it was very evident that the super suburban was completely gone.

Just as I had processed all this, S2 started laughing at me.  “Dad used it last night to jump the tractor battery.  It’s parked behind the pole barn.”

Behind the pole barn is completely out of anyone’s eyesight from the house.

Dear Super Suburban was safe!

Just to be sure, S4 ran outside to double check and yes, all was good and well.

When Jake called me later that morning as he always did, I said “someone snatched the super suburban but it’s okay now.”

And he went into panic mode.  My husband is extreme in his feelings and he doesn’t go to them slowly.  “Where was it?”

Had I had enough coffee in my system and was firing on all cylinders, I totally would have played this out.  Jake totally forgot he had not put the suburban back when he was done.  He was sure he had parked it back in the drive way.

I very literally had to talk him through the events and assure him all was well.

I guess maybe he loves my super suburban a little more than he lets on.





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3 Responses to Someone Snatched Super Suburban

  1. Naomi Vanharn says:

    We read this and at first were in shock then we just kept laughing. Thank you.

    • life4boys says:

      I wrote it because it kept making us laugh. I didn’t realize it would cause a stir! Hahaha! Glad I could make you laugh as well.

  2. […] We bought the Shipsiburban to replace the Super Suburban. […]

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