I believe I should get some sort of award for not screeching into the phone today and then letting it fall to the floor with a clatter while I was talking to my husband.

I mean, there should totally be a reward for such control of the situation.

What happened?

Oh, I was just nearly attacked by a venomous shrew.

It happened like this…

All week I have had a terrible head cold. The worst part of this cold is the horrific headaches I have been having.  Earlier in the morning my husband had called to check on me and I, being all strong and stoic, began to cry because even my cheek bones hurt.

I am so tough like that.

Anyhow, I had dropped two of the four boys off at school because one is home sick and the other, you recall, is now home-schooled.  I had arrived home and taken the hottest shower I could stand, not carrying how dry my skin would be afterwards, and then I brewed myself a strong pot of coffee.  I had skipped the MucinexD medicine today for some migraine medicine I had recently picked up but really have never thought of buying.

It worked miracles.

I decided I had better call my husband to let him know I was alive and feeling somewhat human again because I could, in fact, not feel my cheekbones any longer and if you can’t feel them then you must be feeling better.

I was stirring my coffee and chattering away to him when I heard a rustle, scratch and commotion.  I looked toward the sound but the dog was not lying there scratching herself.

I wandered into the dining room to see where the dog was lying.  She was lying outside on the porch.

I figured something must have fallen out of the full trash (I’ve been sick, people, my house is a disaster), and continued chatting with hubs.

Until I heard the sound again.

I cautiously walked toward the trash can and there, on my husband’s chainsaw blade, was a shrew.

Oh wait, you say, chainsaw blade?  In the kitchen?  Welcome to my life….

“Eeeeeek!” I tried not to scream but I may have screeched, “There is a shrew!  A shrew is in the kitchen!”

“A what?” my husband asked, bracing himself for my all out panic.

“A SHREW,” I said slowly and clearly.  “I have to let you go.  I’ll call you later.”  I may have mumbled out that “LoveYouBye” word but I honestly don’t recall.

I ran to the upstairs steps and screamed called for S1 to come down.  I heard his chair drop to the ground as he hustled to get to me.  My sick S3 did not even glance my way as he sat in the chair, glad to have the living room and tv all to himself, totally oblivious to his mother’s hysterical cries for his brother.

It’s as if hysterics have become common place to him.  Hmmmmmm.

“What?  What is it?” my eldest son asked, ready to come to my defense.  I love that boy.

“In the kitchen!” I cried and then I creeped back into the kitchen to show him where to look.  He was already undoing his leatherman that is always strapped to his side.  “I don’t want to look,” I said and walked away.  I joined S3 in the living room to watch Bolt with him.

He let me know when the coast was now clear and safe of all shrews.

Because I just couldn’t resist, and because they sorta do look kinda cute, I googled Shrews.  This is what I found……

It’s like all my worst nightmares.
Venomous shrews attacking, a snake, and all found in the GARDEN…did you notice the asparagus?  Guess what I’ll be looking for this spring?
I had no idea shrew’s were venomous.  No idea they attacked.  No idea they have to eat EVERY hour.
This is one more reason why it is so handy to be homeschooling S1.
And upon reading this harrowing account, don’t you think I deserve an award?
Oh wait, I have a gourmet cupcake with peanut butter in it from Garden Gate Cafe…I think I have just been awarded for my bravery and coolness under attack.

Also, it should be noted that although I sent my husband a text informing him that we were now safe, he never called me back.  Don’t you find that odd?  Shouldn’t he have checked on me? I mean, venomous shrew in my kitchen???  

Share →

4 Responses to I Was Nearly Attacked by a Venomous Shrew

  1. HOW did you know that was a shrew?!?! That’s the amazing part of that story, in my opinion.

    When S1 graduates, S2 has to be homeschooled – for just this reason.

  2. I homeschool all 4 of my boys, and S1 has been warned that he is not allowed to leave for college until he teaches S3 to take over his exterminator duties! Eeek!

  3. Okay, I can’t stand rodents to begin with but you just made me so glad I live all the way out here in colorful Colorado! We don’t have shrews here that I know of thank God! I don’t think I would have been so calm about it. I would have freaked and I’m with you I think it’s a good thing you had son 1 home to deal with it. Maybe you should have each son be home schooled when the one older than him graduates and leaves the nest. The only problem with that is what do you do when they are all moved out? I think you need a reward for being so calm too. Maybe a day spa trip or something! Might make you feel better too.

  4. 6 Pack Momma says:

    I was totally taken in by this post, watched the video and everything. My husband walks in and is like “what in the world are you watching?!?!” So I say in simple terms “a video about shrews!” He’s all wth….haha. I’m like it’s a mom blog thing. I was totally on the edge of my seat with ya! I never even knew such a thing existed. Perhaps you’ve saved lives by posting this….ha ha, ok maybe not, but you’ve entertained & educated me a little. Good job….high five :)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *